Most of my writing has been dedicated to addressing nutrition, exercise, & mitigating disease processes, in venues both explored & unexplored.
Time for the unexplored.
What’s the price we pay for holding in & holding onto resentment? Is there one? Does it take a toll on not only our mental health, but our physical as well?
There is a school of thought which at one time aligned physical aliments with jealousy, unforgiveness, bad temperment, etc. This isn’t really what I’m speaking to. What’s the price we pay in our daily lives, if old resentments are allowed to fester? Especially if we have to live or work with the object of our ire?
I can tell you mine. And I can speak to what I did; and didn’t do. A friend I had for many years; from the time I was 19 till about 4 years ago, displayed something that was a repeated cycle. It took me awhile to catch it; or perhaps it was one of those things I refused acknowledgment.
Whenever she faced a problem in her personal or professional life of any intensity, I would hear from her constantly. As soon as her crises was over or averted, I wouldn’t. When I asked where others were in her life when these crises arose, she had no answer. From her other friends to the guy in her life, they were no where to be found when her chips were down.
Two things come to mind from this experience. I had to let it go; mostly because in my mind’s eye this isn’t a friendship, though she’ll always be my friend. Friendships entail participating in one another’s life near or far. It involves communication & dedication. This, whatever it was, was not a friendship. Friends are a blessing, or at least they should be. You don’t take that blessing for granted; that’s ingratitude. Sure disagreements arise, arguments or emotional upheaval. It is the ingratitude of the person which believes you should be on the shelf till they need you for their “recipe,” which gives me pause.
What is the price I paid? She is no longer in my life. We tried a few times to connect for a lunch, & I was there for her when her mom & dad passed. She was there for me when my mother died many years ago. But that has been the extent of it.
Do I hold her in contempt? No. There are many reasons I need forgiveness, even if it may not be on the friendship front. I wouldn’t want someone to hold me in contempt, especially if I were trying to change. However, I don’t believe she saw the problem in this relationship, only what she received from it. Will there be a reconnection? Possibly, but I don’t want it if it follows the same pattern. That’s not a friendship to me.
What’s the point of this? Resentment has the prefix “RE” in it. It also has the word “sent” in it. I ask “what am I resending” if I hold onto the attachment or negative feelings? The ending “ment” connotes a state of being. If I put this word together, it has less to do with the other person & more with the blockages I hold within myself. Who does that serve? How does that play out in my life? Mentally? Possibly physically?
That’s a question we should all be asking, next time we find ourselves in resentment.
All for now. Keep up and keep at it.